"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."

So says the Narrator in "Fight Club" ... true that. Every second that you don't act on life and all that is out there, is simply wasted.

So many of us stay where we are and do just enough to get by, never realizing our true potentials or being really and truly happy. We for some reason stifle ourselves by staying in a comfortable area. Be it a job, a friendship, relationship, where we live or what we do for fun. We fall into that comfortable numbness that is easy and familiar. What sucks about that is that you aren't so much living, rather, you are going through the motions of life.

In the movie, Tyler Durden's character says, "Fuck off with your sofa units and strine green stripe patterns, I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may." Which is genius. We should never stop evolving, never stop experiencing and never settle. When we settle for less than what we want or deserve, that is when we start to die a little inside. Letting fear of the unknown get in the way of at least going after what we want is shit... if you live life with blinders on you will never know what could have been, and that is a terrible way to live.

I have made a decision that I can't ever live like this. Life is meant to be lived. So, be it finding a job that I love, expressing my feelings about people, living where I want to be and living life to the fullest.

As the character of Tyler Durden says "Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat. It's not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go! LET GO!" Good advice... I believe that is how I am going to be living life from here on out. This movie is good. That is all for tonight. xoxoxo

Addiction...

Ok, I admit it... I am addicted. Hopelessly, ridiculously addicted. Unlike other "drugs" I am not willing to search out another drug when I don't have access to my "drug of choice". I only want the one. It is the only one that will satisfy my craving, my desire, my needs.

So much more addicting than any drug, it has a hold on me that for some reason, nothing will make that craving go away. I have tried others, but nothing seems to do the job.

Damn. I love the high & can't get enough. The lows suck, the withdrawl, the craving.... but man, the highs certainly are AMAZING. xoxoxo

Dreaming of Southern California

As I sit here in the comfy bed watching season 3 of Sex and the City (for like the millionth time) my mind begins to wander to "what would I be doing if I were down in San Diego right now?" There are of course a million different answers to that question. Just off the top of my head I think of the following things:

1. A Padres game of course... why watch it on tv when you can hop on the trolley, pop down to Petco and enjoy the sights, smells and sounds of the ballgame. Granted theis weekend they're in LA but hell, SD is just down the road and if one really wanted to, they could make the maybe 2 hr drive up to the City of Angels & take in the game there at Dodger Stadium.

2. Shopping (maybe it's only window shopping some days, but it's shopping nonetheless). SD has some amazing stores & I would be happy to be wandering through any number of them right now. Never underestimate the power of retail therapy.

3. The beach... pick one, Pacific Beach, Ocean Beach, Mission Beach, La Jolla Shores, Torrey Pines. Social outings or a quiet day at the beach, something for everyone. I love love LOVE the ocean. Especially on an overcast day when its quieter and less tourist-y. Maybe living there will inspire some beach jogging?!

4. Balboa Park. This place has it all! The SD Zoo, countless museums, botanical gardens, a lilly pond, music pavillions, rose gardens, and don't forget the 1910 carosel. One of my favorite places in SD hands down!

I am so very anxious to move back and start my "new" life. It will be good for me to be back in a city where there are things to do and new opportunities. xoxoxo

Yard Sale Suckage

(This is a copy of my Myspace blog from Saturday)

SO... my theory of rather gouging my own eye out than having a yard sale stands completely true. Here it is almost an hour into my 4 hour yard sale, and here is a brief summary of my morning thus far:

* I half bent back a nail trying to carry furniture out of the front door in the dark... I started to drop it, caught it, bent the nail back and dropped the damn shoe rack anyway... whatev.

* I (IN PAIN) Manage to set some crap out in the half dark of 5:30 or so and realize I have a lot more people-attracting shit I should have put in the craigslist ad... oh well... this is gonna suck either way.

* At 6:00 am (it may have been 5:59 or so, I don't know) this rattle-trap Saturn comes rolling into my driveway... YAY, my first "customer" (insert eye-roll here). So an old white trash hillbilly guy gets out of the driver's side and comes to examine the stuff I have set out. Wifey is too big to be getting in & out of the car, so she stares through the cracked open window, their equally gross looking dog (easily 15 yrs+) stares out the back window. Let the haggling & annoying the shit out of me begin... I have a digital camera for sale that just needs a battery, so he asks how much, I say $20 (I figure the battery is about $30 so decent deal for a relatively newer Kodak digital camera with the charger and computer connector). He has consult with wifey... "no, she says thats too much" Oh jesus, the mental eye rolling & snyde comments are flourishing in my head already! So he asks if I have any cast iron pans, stamp colections, kerosene lamps, antiques... NO (did u see it advertised in the effin craigslist ad retard?) So then looks at a few DVD I have & asks how much for one TV series (Its 3 separate DVDs with episodes on each side of the disc & it is the full season), I say $5. His reply? "oh, nevermind". Oh fuck you too jackass, you aren't gonna find it cheaper, so take your pocketfull of change & get the hell outta here. I don't need money THAT badly, haha. They get back in the ghetto-mobile & leave, rattling the whole way.

*After that, I decide to be a bitch (not hard to be) and go put notes on cars here. Let me explain: 1 car is parked in front of the dumpster... not ok to do ever here. It's near where you turn around at the end of the property and it makes turning around difficult, and if someone happens to be there on trash day my dumpster doesn't get emptied, not cool. So then, I notice that newer tenant in the front is parked in TWO parking places... wtf, the parking here is tight as it is, why in the hell would you do that? So they both got happy little notes from me saying not to do that shit (in a nice way of course).

* On the way back from playing the note fairy, I caught a glimpse of winshield wiper fluid in the garage... I need that in the car I thought, so I popped the hood and added wiper fluid to the car.

So here I sit in the front doorway of the house typing this blog to pass the time. Yard sales are shit, and this is just 1 more reminder of why I dont have them! No one is out & around in this crappy weather... so I have a feeling it was all for nothing. Maybe I should try again next weekend, or not... xoxoxo