Try Walking in My Heels

Appreciation 2011

2011-01-01T20:27:00.000-08:00

I have created a photo album on Facebook that is going to have a daily photo. It will reflect my appreciation of something I have, see or have the chance to do. Just a daily reminder for me (and us all) to remember all that I have to be thankful for and appreciate in my life. Reminding me to be grateful for even the simplest of life's pleasures.

New Year, New Ideas

2011-01-01T17:06:00.000-08:00

So here we are at the start of a new year. A fresh start... a chance to accomplish a whole new set of goals and a chance to figure out more who we are and figure out what it is that we want out of life. I really do have high hopes for 2011. I believe that it will be the year that things in my life really begin to start taking shape. I will be able to become a massage therapist, and will hopefully begin working on my next set of goals and ambitions.

When I started massage school a little under a year ago, I really had no idea what I was getting into. I didn't realize the impact that my teachers and classes would have on my life and lifestyle. I have become a much more goal-oriented person and have decided that I want to further my education and take on more challenges. I am planning on looking into going back to school to major in kinesiology, an taking possibly 2 options (athletic training and pre physical therapy) and once I graduate that, I am considering going through more school for physical therapy. It will be a crazy period of time to accomplish this, but its a possibility that I'm not ruling out.

I have always known that I have some amazing friends. This past year I came to see even more who were my true friends. It was a time of seeing myself in a clear light, and putting me first and keeping my good friends in my life no matter how many miles separate us.

There is no doubt in my mind that 2011 is gonna be a life changing year, qnd I'm super excited to see just what direction that.life points me in! Much love to you all & happy new year!

From Here on Out

2010-03-06T08:49:00.000-08:00

From Here on Out...

I have decided that I am done being a procrastinator. I am tired of the "I'll do it later" attitude that I (like many other people) have adapted to become the theme of their life. I am going to catch up on all of the little things that I have put off and that I have put on the proverbial "to-do" list. It is time for the great change, and I am ready for it! Little things like cleaning the house (and keeping it clean, lol), organizing and getting rid of things (clothes, papers, magazines, etc), getting my ass to the gym (and GOING 3-5 times a week even when I don't want to go).

This weekend I am focusing on the house - cleaning & organizing what I can. I have bigger plans for the bedroom but I need to get the room ready before I can do what I want to do with it. It's supposed to be rainy anyway, so rather than lounge on the couch, I will be working on the house.

Come Monday morning, I am implementing a new routine to my life... the gym! I have hit a wall in the weight loss on my own, so it is time to bring the gym in! I am going to go 3-5 days a week, no excuses (unless I am out of town or extremely ill). I have a goal in mind and I WILL get there. I lost about 70 lbs on my own last year and have no doubt that I can and will get to my next goal, I just need to stay focused.

And of course the next goal is to continue to do well in my classes. I got my Massage Tech business cards last week and ordered my table, so very soon I will be able to start massaging for tips. I signed up for 2 classes for next quarter- Deep Tissue Manipulation and Advanced Circulatory & Sports Massage. I'm actually very excited to be doing this program. I feel that I will be able to make a great living doing this! I am hoping that I will be able to get into the Padres or the Chargers, and still maintain a successful business of my own! While I complete the HHP program, I plan to possibly look at working for a spa or other company and start building a great personal clientele. As soon as I get my table I want to start handing out my cards at the tanning place I go to, my dog's camp, friends etc. I am really looking forward to it all. :)

So in all actuality, I am just looking to streamline my life. To make my home a relaxing, organized place where I can relax and study too. I am happy, but you can never be too happy :) To me you should always be improving yourself... always learning and growing as a person- becoming the best, most well rounded person that you can be.

xoxoxo Robyn

"Our Deepest Fear"

2010-02-19T12:05:00.000-08:00

So, as many as you know, I am currently enrolled in a Massage Tech class, with the ultimate goal of obtaining my HHP (Holistic Health Practitioner's Certificate). Last night at the end of class, our Thursday night instructor Shaunna read this "poem" to us. As I found out after a bit of online research, it's actually and excerpt from a book called "A Return to Love", which was written by motivational speaker & author Marianne Williamson. I hope that you enjoy it as much as I did, and not only pass it on to friends and family, but live by it as well. Love, Robyn

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

2009-12-27T04:45:00.000-08:00

Ok, so the new year is just around the corner, and I am putting things in motion for what will hopefully be a fantastic new year!

First of all, I am determined to have a good, no GREAT New Year's this year. The last few years have pretty much sucked, and last year was the worst, having gotten pink eye a few days after Christmas! This year I am in a new (old) city, good friend visiting, New Year's party at The Catamaran hotel in Pacific Beach, amazing dress & shoes too! :) January 3rd we are going to see The Chargers vs The Washington Redskins with field level tickets! I get to spend 4 days with an amazing friend who doesn't bring the drama! She has never been to San Diego either, so getting to show her the beautiful city that I live in is going to be very fun... I have a lot of things planned... pictures to follow soon :)

I am looking into becoming a Sports Massage Therapist... even though I took the Sports Business Management course, there are no jobs here that I am interested in at the moment so I am looking for other options for the time being. There are a lot of athletes here in Southern California with the wonderful weather and all.

I have season tickets to the Padres, YAY! 5th row, right in prime autograph location :)

I have gotten rid of a little more (ok, a LOT more) drama out of my life, which feels incredibly nice. And, by getting rid of that drama, I open up my life to the people that matter most... friends & family who care. :)

Just Over It.

2009-11-10T17:02:00.000-08:00

Most people who know me can confirm that if nothing else I am a good person and a very good friend. If my friends need something, I go out of my way to help them with whatever it is they need. I remember birthdays and holidays. I have forgiven friends when they have been not so nice to me and even when they have treated me like total crap. But honestly, where should the line be drawn?

Maybe that is my problem. Maybe I have been too good of a friend to people. When I have finally had enough of some people's drama, crap and random bad friend practices, it becomes MY fault when I don't want to be around it and put up with it.

I really don't understand why it is that I am all of a sudden not very nice. Screw that! I have constantly taken shit and bad treatment and behavior from certain people and just cause I am too nice to run around town and talk about it, doesn't mean it never happened. When I am constantly making excuses for someone's behavior and how they are, how can it come as a surprise when I have finally had enough of it? I am my own person and really don't relish having someone else's poor behavior attached to me. I have had birthdays and trips ruined because I haven't catered to someone else's issues.

I'm tired of being the one who has to be "the better person" and keep taking it. I'm tired of having bad experiences and yet giving people chance after chance after chance when all that happens is I get put into bad situation AGAIN.

Individuality Lost?

2009-10-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

(Blogger's Note: This was a piece written at an earlier date. I found it in my files and posted.)

As I have gotten older, I have strived to really become an individual. Ever since high school, I havent really looked to anyone to be my role model or mentor in the areas fashion, romance or life in general. I am ME and I love ME, so why the hell would I want to become someone else?

I guess because I am such an individual, it makes me sad when someone hasn't found out who they are & spend their entire life striving to be someone else. I don't mind when someone appreciates something I wear or the way I cut or color my hair, but when they show up wearing the same outfit or sporting the same exact hairstyle, it kinda irritates me. I'm not sure if that is strange or not, but I really don't feel that it is appropriate to have to ask someone "What are you wearing today" just so that you don't end up looking like the freakin' Bobsey Twins.

I guess that it's just kinda of annoying. I try not to do it to other people so I suppose I feel that I should be given the same courtesy. Now don't get me wrong, if I see a cute piece I might ask where someone where they got it, and I may even get one, but not everything all the time... and certainly not wearing it on the same day that that person is wearing it. hmm, oh well. xoxoxo

On The Lighter Side

2009-09-19T23:21:00.000-07:00

On a lighter note, Riley is growing up so fast! I had to post this recent photo of her! Even though she's naughty (I'm actually getting us a trainer to come to the house & they offer a lifetime guarantee of their services!) I love the hell outta her! xoxox

A Little Too Much Togetherness; A Brief Rant.

2009-09-19T22:52:00.000-07:00

I love my mom, I honestly do, but I think that we have had a little too much togetherness since I've moved down here. If I don't take her suggestion on every single thing, I'm the bad seed. Tonight I was comparing something & hells forbid I'M right. She sees that I'm not giving into her and she gets all pissy and goes home (oh really, that ISN'T necessarily a punishment ya know!?!)

Wow, it's like I'm 31, I've not gotten knocked up, done drugs or been tossed into prison, so obviously I've been doing at least a few things right. I mean, while a good upbringing helps in that, it's what a person chooses to DO with the knowledge they've been given. Hell, she could've raised me the same way & I could've rebelled & turned into a real shit.

It just frustrates the shit out of me. I gave up my life of complete freedom to move home to mommy so to speak. I wonder what will happen the first time I bring a guy home, why do I feel like someone will be right here making sure her "little girl" is ok. Damn. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she will realize that I am an ADULT who is doing all that I can to be a successful person. I am not, nor will I ever be perfect. I am not looking for her approval, I am completely fine with living for me. The sooner that she realizes that she doesn't know everything and that we are just going to disagree on things, the sooner that I will stop thinking that I might as well double or triple what I am paying in rent and live somewhere I won't feel like a bug under glass. *grrrrr, sigh* xoxox

Isn't Life Funny?!

2009-09-19T08:15:00.000-07:00

It's always a little crazy when you see someone after a long time and realize that your feelings for that person have completely changed (and SO for the better).

I saw the old "drug of choice" one last time before the afternoon before I left. I realized that my feelings have almost gone away completely. Maybe it has to do with the fact I hadn't seen him in three months. Or, maybe it has something to do with spending time with more quality people. People who deserve my time & attention. People who don't spend 30 minutes at my house, then run off to spend the rest of their days or evenings with people who obviously mean more to them than I do.

Now I can't say one way or another how this person truly feels. He may be acting strange cause he knows that he has damaged what we had forever in a way. I am not unforgiving, but to forgive someone, they have to actually be sorry, and I don't think that he is there at this point. I refuse to hold a grudge. He is a friend (sometimes not so much of a good one, but a friend none the less).

It's funny how one day you can't imagine not seeing someone & three months later, you really almost don't care that the person is standing right in front of you. When you kind of start thinking "God, I could be doing so many other things right now" haha. Life certainly is a funny thing. xoxox

Getting Settled In

2009-09-19T07:22:00.000-07:00

As I'm sure you are all aware, I recently moved back to my beautiful hometown of San Diego. As with any move, it has been a crazy & hectic experience! I HATE moving with a fiery vengance... hence I moved to Chico in '96 and hadn't moved again! The only great part of this move was the fact that I took amazing advantage of the chance to eliminate clutter. Out with the old, in with the new so to speak!

I got rid of most of my furniture (my bed, dresser, 1 entertainment center, my TV & stereo were the only pieces I kept) & started over... that meant a whole lot of shopping! I have a whole new living room & kitchen. My logic in the re-doing everything is that all my previous furniture was my grandmas... this furniture is mine, all chosen by me. If I am starting over, I'm gonna do it the right way & all the way!

I started my online class for Sports Business Management & so far so good! It's very intense as it's only an 8-week class, but it's exciting since it is all information that pertains to what I want to do for a living... Sports (baseball). We do assignnents & post them on a discussion board, then 2 times a week we have 1-hour online chats with the other people in the class & the instructors. It is a lot of work, but they are already very aware of my love for the Padres & they have connections and there is a very great possibility of landing my dream job!

Speaking of baseball I have been to 2 games, and will be going to 2 or 3 more before the end of the season! I forgot how much I just LOVE the atmosphere at the ballpark! I love sitting close to the field (minus the worry of getting hit with a broken bat or a ball!) I love the smells & sights (C'mon all the tight baseball pants- no padding like football hehe)and just the feeling of excitement of the game! I got a new Padres too! I love my Padres! :) I am HOME.

Riley is loving having a yard and the cooler weather... but with change of, well, everything, comes the occasional naughty behavior (ie the oops I peed on the carpet, I think I belong on the furniture, and I also think it'd be fun to bite the crap out of mom & grandma.) But she is getting better. It's hard because she LOOKS like a dog, but in reality she is only 5 months old. And she has turned into SUCH a lil water dog!!

In a nutshell, we are settling into our new home nicely. I will post pics once I get the house neatened up a bit & maybe get some curtains and accesories up :)

Conquering The Craving

2009-06-28T16:55:00.000-07:00

So my previous "drug of choice" seems to be working itself outta my system. Between staying away from him and exposing my self to new & better "drugs" I am good. The initial withdrawal was harsh & hurt like none other, but over the past almost month, I am worlds better. I am happy and overall OK, only having the occasional "craving" or moment where I want to put my emotional well being on the shelf & dive back into the addiction head first. But I haven't. I have steered clear.

I'm feeling better about everything & am keeping busy with other things (other "drugs" and of course my puppy) and that is helping. If only there were a patch or some gum that would help with the Lil nagging cravings. Oh well. Just thought an update was appropriate. xoxoxo

"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."

2009-05-31T23:24:00.000-07:00

So says the Narrator in "Fight Club" ... true that. Every second that you don't act on life and all that is out there, is simply wasted.

So many of us stay where we are and do just enough to get by, never realizing our true potentials or being really and truly happy. We for some reason stifle ourselves by staying in a comfortable area. Be it a job, a friendship, relationship, where we live or what we do for fun. We fall into that comfortable numbness that is easy and familiar. What sucks about that is that you aren't so much living, rather, you are going through the motions of life.

In the movie, Tyler Durden's character says, "Fuck off with your sofa units and strine green stripe patterns, I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may." Which is genius. We should never stop evolving, never stop experiencing and never settle. When we settle for less than what we want or deserve, that is when we start to die a little inside. Letting fear of the unknown get in the way of at least going after what we want is shit... if you live life with blinders on you will never know what could have been, and that is a terrible way to live.

I have made a decision that I can't ever live like this. Life is meant to be lived. So, be it finding a job that I love, expressing my feelings about people, living where I want to be and living life to the fullest.

As the character of Tyler Durden says "Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat. It's not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go! LET GO!" Good advice... I believe that is how I am going to be living life from here on out. This movie is good. That is all for tonight. xoxoxo

Addiction...

2009-05-24T19:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, I admit it... I am addicted. Hopelessly, ridiculously addicted. Unlike other "drugs" I am not willing to search out another drug when I don't have access to my "drug of choice". I only want the one. It is the only one that will satisfy my craving, my desire, my needs.

So much more addicting than any drug, it has a hold on me that for some reason, nothing will make that craving go away. I have tried others, but nothing seems to do the job.

Damn. I love the high & can't get enough. The lows suck, the withdrawl, the craving.... but man, the highs certainly are AMAZING. xoxoxo

Dreaming of Southern California

2009-05-03T15:38:00.000-07:00

As I sit here in the comfy bed watching season 3 of Sex and the City (for like the millionth time) my mind begins to wander to "what would I be doing if I were down in San Diego right now?" There are of course a million different answers to that question. Just off the top of my head I think of the following things:

1. A Padres game of course... why watch it on tv when you can hop on the trolley, pop down to Petco and enjoy the sights, smells and sounds of the ballgame. Granted theis weekend they're in LA but hell, SD is just down the road and if one really wanted to, they could make the maybe 2 hr drive up to the City of Angels & take in the game there at Dodger Stadium.

2. Shopping (maybe it's only window shopping some days, but it's shopping nonetheless). SD has some amazing stores & I would be happy to be wandering through any number of them right now. Never underestimate the power of retail therapy.

3. The beach... pick one, Pacific Beach, Ocean Beach, Mission Beach, La Jolla Shores, Torrey Pines. Social outings or a quiet day at the beach, something for everyone. I love love LOVE the ocean. Especially on an overcast day when its quieter and less tourist-y. Maybe living there will inspire some beach jogging?!

4. Balboa Park. This place has it all! The SD Zoo, countless museums, botanical gardens, a lilly pond, music pavillions, rose gardens, and don't forget the 1910 carosel. One of my favorite places in SD hands down!

I am so very anxious to move back and start my "new" life. It will be good for me to be back in a city where there are things to do and new opportunities. xoxoxo

Yard Sale Suckage

2009-05-03T12:56:00.000-07:00

(This is a copy of my Myspace blog from Saturday)

SO... my theory of rather gouging my own eye out than having a yard sale stands completely true. Here it is almost an hour into my 4 hour yard sale, and here is a brief summary of my morning thus far:

* I half bent back a nail trying to carry furniture out of the front door in the dark... I started to drop it, caught it, bent the nail back and dropped the damn shoe rack anyway... whatev.

* I (IN PAIN) Manage to set some crap out in the half dark of 5:30 or so and realize I have a lot more people-attracting shit I should have put in the craigslist ad... oh well... this is gonna suck either way.

* At 6:00 am (it may have been 5:59 or so, I don't know) this rattle-trap Saturn comes rolling into my driveway... YAY, my first "customer" (insert eye-roll here). So an old white trash hillbilly guy gets out of the driver's side and comes to examine the stuff I have set out. Wifey is too big to be getting in & out of the car, so she stares through the cracked open window, their equally gross looking dog (easily 15 yrs+) stares out the back window. Let the haggling & annoying the shit out of me begin... I have a digital camera for sale that just needs a battery, so he asks how much, I say $20 (I figure the battery is about $30 so decent deal for a relatively newer Kodak digital camera with the charger and computer connector). He has consult with wifey... "no, she says thats too much" Oh jesus, the mental eye rolling & snyde comments are flourishing in my head already! So he asks if I have any cast iron pans, stamp colections, kerosene lamps, antiques... NO (did u see it advertised in the effin craigslist ad retard?) So then looks at a few DVD I have & asks how much for one TV series (Its 3 separate DVDs with episodes on each side of the disc & it is the full season), I say $5. His reply? "oh, nevermind". Oh fuck you too jackass, you aren't gonna find it cheaper, so take your pocketfull of change & get the hell outta here. I don't need money THAT badly, haha. They get back in the ghetto-mobile & leave, rattling the whole way.

*After that, I decide to be a bitch (not hard to be) and go put notes on cars here. Let me explain: 1 car is parked in front of the dumpster... not ok to do ever here. It's near where you turn around at the end of the property and it makes turning around difficult, and if someone happens to be there on trash day my dumpster doesn't get emptied, not cool. So then, I notice that newer tenant in the front is parked in TWO parking places... wtf, the parking here is tight as it is, why in the hell would you do that? So they both got happy little notes from me saying not to do that shit (in a nice way of course).

* On the way back from playing the note fairy, I caught a glimpse of winshield wiper fluid in the garage... I need that in the car I thought, so I popped the hood and added wiper fluid to the car.

So here I sit in the front doorway of the house typing this blog to pass the time. Yard sales are shit, and this is just 1 more reminder of why I dont have them! No one is out & around in this crappy weather... so I have a feeling it was all for nothing. Maybe I should try again next weekend, or not... xoxoxo

I Think My Feelings Are Official... I Pretty Much Love Him.

2009-03-15T21:07:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd see the day that I would be able to admit this to myself. The guy who is the subject of many of my blogs on here (and on my myspace blog) is someone that I think that I have officially fallen for. Now of course I haven't told HIM any of this yet cause I can't even believe it myself. This sudden realization occured today and it really was the most retarded moment, but the way that I reacted to it made me realize that I really do have intense feelings for him. I had a moment (and really it was no more than a few moments)where I saw something & quite literally panicked, thinking that he didn't want anything to do with me. It was during that split second that my heart dropped to my feet & my eyes welled up with tears (God, how I hate to admit that my feelings for him are really that strong).
He and I have been friends (and then some) for so long now that I don't know what to do with this information. It's like somewhere I have always known my feelings for him but I never really wanted to admit it to anyone, let alone to myself. I have always been afraid that if I said it out loud things would change so much that things wouldn't be the same. We've had a difficult year, but despite everything we have made it through it all, and in my opinion things between us are better than ever. We seem to have a better understanding of each other, and that makes me so happy. A few months ago when I told him my plans to move away, I saw a look come across his face that made my heart ache. He didn't have to say a single word for me to know that me deciding to leave hurt his feelings.
I adore him in ways that I never thought possible. I have spent time with my fair share of guys and I know that he has dated girls while we've been hanging out, yet, what is the one constant in each other's lives? Him for me & Me for him. I have tried (without success) to keep my feelings for him at bay. Thinking if I could just keep some distance, I would be able to just be friends with him... WRONG! My feelings just got stronger throughout the years.
He is the one person who has been there no matter what. I have had times where I didn't want to be near anyone and he made sure that I was ok. He has showed up at my house first thing in the morning & has seen me before I even brushed my hair or teeth. He has seen me good and bad, weak & strong, happy and sad. When I was pissed off at him, he stuck around but gave me all the space I needed to deal with my emotions and get to a place where I could deal with things.
I wish that he would get to this point to. That he would realize that he & I are so perfect for each other it's retarded. He and I compliment each other in so many ways that I just can't help but that think that we should be together. Maybe if things keep going the way that they are going, things will finally get there... god I hope so, cause this love stuff sure is exhausting! xoxox

A Pretty Good Catch

2009-03-01T18:32:00.000-08:00

(This was todays riveting blog that I posted on my Myspace Blog... thought those who have abandoned Myspace for Facebook or just catching this blog might appreciate it too, so I copied and pasted for your reading enjoyment)
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Not to toot my own horn, but really, if you look at a few factors, it's quite obvious boys, I'm a pretty damn good catch! See the list of facts below:

1. Im not one of those annoying clingy gfs who expects 100% of your time. Really, I have my own life to live, so don't expect that I will be want to spend every waking second with you.

2. I'm not your mom, so therefore dont expect that I will be one of those girls who constantly expects you to "check in" with me about where you are every minute of every day. I signed up for a boyfriend not a child...

3. I don't need to go out on "dates" all the time. Really, I am just as happy with a night in than a night out. I mean the occasional meal or movie is great, but hanging at the house with drinks & a movie works too. I don't need someone to spend a fortune on a date to prove to me they're worth my time.

4. I don't expect that my boyfriend won't talk to other girls... it's just not a viable option & I have no idea how anyone can expect that their gf/bf won't have conversations with the opposite sex. I have many guy FRIENDS so I would never say you can't have girl FRIENDS.

5. I am not going to show up at your job and linger there just to make sure you're being faithful to me. I have had my fair share of experience seeing girls go to the bar where their boyfriends were working then leave pissed off cause their guy was talking to someone else. HOLY HELL, you know that it's like a prerequisite to talk to the opposite sex if you work at a bar.

6. I am in a relationship with YOU, not all of my friends. I'm not 13 years old and do not run & tell all of my girlfriends whats going on in the relationship. That is between us.

7. I HATE playing mind games with people and hate drama. Don't expect that if you and I are having a disagreement that I am gonna show up where you are and fall all over another guy to make you jealous or pissed off... not my thing.

8. We've all been hurt and have had relationship issues, but those are in the past. I'm not gonna put the mistakes of past guys on you. Those were their fuck ups, not yours. New relationship, new slate.

9. I'm on Myspace but it's not my entire life. Therefore I am not worried if I'm on your top friends or if you put comments on my page, etc. I know we're together, it doesn't matter beyond that.

10. I'm pretty much a sex fiend and you better be able to keep up, and keep my attention, try new things in bed AND be willing to treat me like the naughty girl I am!

So, if the above list is at all of an interest to you, then maybe, just maybe you're the guy for me! (Can't hurt to put aside all the bad experiences & give me a shot right?!) xoxox

P.S The thingy isn't working, currently listening to: "Heartless" by Kanye West

Can Someone Please Explain This, Cause I'm Completely Clueless On It!

2009-02-27T22:16:00.000-08:00

Why is it that people (myself included) so often avoid the "obvious" and probably right thing, and instead go knowingly after the harder to obtain alternative? Maybe it's because we fear that the "obvious" choice means it's the less desirable, that the harder to obtain choice has to be the better decision. Maybe we fear that by chosing the obious, we aren't challenging ourselves enough or we are just taking the easy way out? Or maybe we spend our life constantly wondering what will happen if we're with one person, what if someone better comes along? Here, allow me to demonstrate my point:

Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Girl is 100% aware of the fact that boy likes her, so in this situation, girl has a few popular options:

A. Girl can like boy back and can start dating him. (dating him, not neccesarily as in some serious, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you & have your babies way, but nice casual dating)

B. Girl can go out of her way to find someone better (at least at the moment) to date.

C. Girl can hang out with boy and lead him to believe that they could be together but secretly think that he isn't "Good enough" for her.

D. Girl will date boy.... but only till something better comes along.

I'm so confused. I don't get it. Maybe we all need to step back and appreciate the obvious. Realize that sometimes the obvious (the "safe" and secure decision) really is the thing that is right for us. It is the person, place or thing that we have been looking for all along & we haven't been able to find in all of the wrong places that we have been looking. Maybe a little "obvious" is just what we need in this life. xoxoxo

My Next Car...

2009-02-25T00:17:00.001-08:00

I have decided that I want a new car. No, there is nothing "wrong" with my cute lil silver Honda Civic LX, I just decided that I must have this car. I am simply in L-O-V-E with the 2009 VW Eos... it's a hardtop convertible that is gorgeous:

That is all :) xoxoxo

It's The Dawning Of A Brand New Day.

2009-02-24T14:43:00.000-08:00

Today was one of those days when you just wanna throw your hands in the air and say "Oh fuck it" and go home, drink heavily & crawl under the covers. I opted instead to go tan (which greatly relaxed me), come home, have a (low fat, thank you very much) Fudgesicle and take a 4 hour nap, some Veggie pizza from Domino's (my new fave by the way) and a diet coke. I do feel somewhat better, so long as I don't think about all of the BS that work is delivering to me.
I have gotten to the point where I almost don't want to go to work. It has nothing to do with having to get there at 5:00 am (ok, that factor doesn't help!), and it has absolutely nothing to do with the clients (as I really do enjoy what I do) however, I DO have issues with the corporate aspect of my job. I hate having to do 8 billion things and am never told that I am doing even kind of a good job. I hate that I am the only person who knows how to do Medi-Cal billing, the only person who knows how to do new admit paperwork, and the only one who can do the new financial shit on the computer. I get to do all the admits, all the billing and all the cash collections. I also get to listen to corporate, my manager (and now apparently my co workers too) bitch about people's paying schedules. I hate that I have worked there almost a year and I have added all kinds of things to my daily duties and haven't seen any difference in my paycheck. Cause I do absolutely nothing all day long... just sit at the front desk looking pretty... whatev.
I was going to be nice & stay there once my property sold, but I am currently re-thinking that option. Why the hell do I want to stay there and work my ass off for unappreciative bastards who make me want to drink like there ain't no tomorrow? The plain & simple fact is: I DON'T WANNA, and therefore I don't think I am going to. I can use my last 4 or so months to do something worthwhile, like some volunteer work that I wish I had been able to do, ie: Work at the Cancer Society store and or volunteer at a retirement center again, something that will make me feel as though my efforts are at least somewhat appreciated, where as lately, the only thing that makes me feel I am doing anything worth while is to hear from clients that they are happy that I am there (That is really the only part of leaving that will be difficult at this point).
I think that I need to finish the movie I'm watching, have myself a nice long hard workout, shower and go to bed. I just want to be happy, and this BS at work is just one more thing that is pointing me in a different direction in life... a direction FAR the hell away from where I am at the moment. xoxoxo

Seeing Myself Through New Eyes...

2009-02-23T16:30:00.000-08:00

So it's been quite awhile since I've posted anything, and well I figured it was about time to get off my ass and post something! I have been without a computer, so please forgive me if I'm a little rusty or I start to ramble!
I have decided that it is time for changes in my life... I have (as like a week or so ago) started working out and eating healthier. I don't have a "goal weight", I'll know it when I get there. My main reason for the change is to be healthier, of course there are the obvious other benefits to weight loss... cuter clothes, old cute clothes fitting better, and well, just feeling better about your self. In my opinion, the weight loss is just like coloring my hair, or getting my nails done: It's something I do for ME because I like the results! So a week or so in and I have been very good... I am working out every other day (starting out slow and strong, so I don't over do it, get sore & Stop! Hehe!) I am already seeing results! My ass is going away, YAY!! I feel stronger, and have more energy. And can I tell you that there is nothing better than looking in the mirror and seeing that you have made progress!! I have been tanning too :) which I feel that I look so much better with some color on me (Plus with my hair dark, looks amazing! I am determined that I will get where I want to be, and soon! :) So, once I start seeing some more results, I'll post some update pics! (Thanks A.B. for helping to motivate me!) So I am gonna go for now (that workout is calling me hehe!!) but I will be blogging more frequently & of course, more updates soon!
xoxox Robyn

Wow... how bored am I?!

2008-12-13T15:05:00.000-08:00

(REVISED) 4 years, and a million memories ago...

2008-11-25T16:58:00.000-08:00

4 years ago today I lost one of the most amazing and important people in my life. My grandma was all I could ask for in a grandma and so much more. She was not just my grandma, she was one of my best friends and greatest influences. I can't even begin to catalog the life & times we shared.

I have so many fond and amazing memories of our times together. Having lived either next door to her, or with her for most of my life, it's hard not to have the close bond that we had, the eternal bond that will never be broken.

I can remember our road trips & vacations, singing along with the radio and laughing at all of or special (only us) memories. She had the ability to make everything special, from a trip to the zoo, to our extended vacations. I remember her peeling apples for me, and watching Scooby Doo every afternoon with me. Most days she drove me to school & picked me up. She bought me ice skating lessons for Christmas one year, which turned into a few years of competitions and practices, of which she was a part of every minute of, right down to her making all of my skating dresses & costumes by hand! I remember walking next door and spending Sunday nights watching Cops and America's Most Wanted with her. Memories of us cooking, baking, laughing, trips to the beach (her falling into the water at Torrey Pines while making sure I didn't fall in!) hugging her and her smile are just a few of the million things that I miss about her every single day of my life.

When she was diagnosed with terminal kidney cancer in 2002, my heart broke into about a million pieces. I remember the moment that she told me, and a few minutes later when I was at the hospital, how no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop the hot tears that rolled down my cheeks. Even in that sad moment, I will never forget her telling me to stop crying (and I'll never forget the words of her orthopaedic surgeon who was also in the room "She just found out that someone she loves very much is sick, I think that she has every right to cry")

Over the next 2 years I watched the woman I adored have to give up so many of the things that meant the world to her and it killed me more than I ever let on to the outside world. She loved taking care of her lawns here and all of the plants & flowers that we planted over our summers here in Chico, so you can imagine her heartache (and mine) when she had to hire a gardener who in both of our opinions could never do even half the job that she once did. How someone who once would jump in the car for a spur of the moment road trip had to have her granddaughter drive her anywhere she needed to go. And how one of the most independent and self sufficient women ever had to rely on people for everything. Watching that broke my heart. I had to be strong for her... Never shed my tears in front of her (or anyone else for that matter).

4 years ago I lost a part of me. Today, while it still hurts like it was yesterday, I have adapted to the change as much as I can. Thanksgiving is still hard, but I know that she would be beyond pissed at me if she thought for even a second that I was letting her death hold me back for living one second of my life to the fullest. So while it might not be the easiest holiday for me to get through, I will do it year after year for my grandma (it WAS our special holiday together afterall). I am going to visit the memorial wall at the cemetery where her ashes are tomorrow (they're closed on holidays so I have to do it a day early)and have my cry (while I imagine her in heaven saying to lose the tears!)and make it through another Thanksgiving without her. xoxoxo

At A Sort Of Crossroads

2008-11-22T10:19:00.000-08:00

So, I am in the middle of a situation that I am not sure how to deal with. As much as I don't want to let a certain person back into my life, I am feeling myself being pulled (granted somewhat willingly) back into the middle of the relationship/ friendship that was a part of my life so very long. I know that my time here is so limited and I guess that maybe I think that maybe this is ok while I'm still here. Maybe I need him while I'm in this town... once I move away, things will naturally be different. I won't be able to fall into the easiness of it all, unless one of us travels to do so.

It's hard to say no to him, to the moments that we've spent together. Hard not to fall into the comfortable. With him it was always so easy, so simple and so defined. It's so easy to answer his call, to let him back into my now simplified life. It's a decision that I was hoping that I wouldn't have to make, but now that it very well may be upon me, I need to decide what I am going to do... xoxoxo

Wanna Have Sex?

2008-11-18T09:41:00.000-08:00

That was the text message that I received around 8:30 last night. Now, it was from a guy that I think is pretty damn amazing, but it just kinda made me stop and think the following (In no particular order):

1. Are you fucking kidding me? I mean, it's all well and good to throw the offer out like that, provided there was at least a little bit of conversation before hand. IE:
You: Hey, how've ya been?
Me: Not too bad
You: We should hang out again, whatcha doing tonight?
Me: Not much, what you have in mind ;)
You: Wanna come over and have sex?
Me: Sure I'll be over in a bit

2. YES I want to have sex. Why wouldn't I want to?

3. I really wouldn't mind having sex with YOU again, as it was, well, amazing!

4. I haven't really talked much to you since maybe September, and all of a sudden you wanna hook up again? This makes me feel mighty important, especially after the last time you invited me over to watch a movie (which, silly me thought was code for wanna come over watch part of a movie, mess around, THEN have sex, but as it turned out actually watched a movie & some tv... awkward.)

5. Were you looking through you phone, get to the "R's" and think of me? I know you probably have plenty of girls to hook up with, but with that impersonal text message, did you send it to more than one girl & the first or best reply got laid?

6. Did you think that would get me? (For additional thoughts on that topic, please see earlier blog entitled "Oh Baby I must have you now!")

7. How long did it take you to come up with that clever text? Did you think about me (or the other girls you texted that to) all day or did you just impulsively throw the offer out on the table? Just curious.

Needless to say that as much as I would've liked to have gone over there and had sex, I didn't bother to reply as I got it about an hour after it was sent... I guess I figured he had probably gotten a quicker response from someone else, and a reply from me at that point would've interrupted someone else getting laid. Oh well. xoxoxo

Jackrabbit Sex: It's NEVER Ok!

2008-11-15T19:22:00.000-08:00

Ok, so here it is Saturday night around 7:30 p.m. and I'm sitting here in my fantabulously comfy bed, and I'm actually tired. I don't think I'm going out tonight (I've not heard back from anyone, and I'm not sure I feel like wasting my time & money) Sure, I can see some occasional eye candy, but beyond that, what is the huge attracton? It's not like I am gonna find some random ass guy to go home with... not my style. And, if a girl isn't careful and has too much to drink, she may make a horrible mistake and sleep with someone that is less than desirable.

That has happened to me only once, probably about 3 or so years ago. I was at a bar in the hopes that I would get to go home with one of the bartenders (again! ;) hehe) but after having far too much alcohol, I began flirting with another guy. He was a friend that I knew from another bar. We had always flirted with each other, but that night, things changed. We ended up going back to his house and I never again looked at him in the same way.

His apartment was tiny and FREEZING (it was cold outside, but I'd wager to say that it was as cold if not colder in the apartment). There was no toilet paper (thank god I was getting over a cold and had kleenex in my pocket). Now, under the right circumstances, all of these things would've been tolerable, but on top of all of these strikes, was the worst strike of all... he was horrible in bed. I mean we are talking terrible "Jackrabbit Sex"- you know, pound, pound, pound you sex. It's not ok, and it's a far cry from enjoyable let me inform you. (Now, don't get me wrong, "rough" sex and "jackrabbit" sex, 2 TOTALLY different things!) Lemme just put it to y'all quite simply,

The only thing that made me write about this horrific moment of my life is the fact that last night I ended up running into him again. Turns out, he's now bartending at a new favorite bar of mine, geez isn't that just about my life?! xoxoxo

I Think I Need A Hug

2008-11-14T14:53:00.000-08:00

So this week has been a very trying one, I have been dealing with a new manager at work who is just getting on everyone's last nerve, the PA was out 3 days this week (including 1 day that we have the MD there... that automatically = stress!) I am AGAIN having to deal with my friend who likes to copy me... get your own style stupid! And then outta nowhere, in the span of maybe a half hour, I encounter the following:

The stupid former friend that fired me... that was JUST what I needed, haha. On a "happy" note, she didn't see me, and on an even "happier" note, she was on crutches with a busted looking foot, teehee. Sorry, but I just can't be sad about her being injured. (I know, I know, I'm going to Hell... tell me something I didn't already know!)

The "hot" grocery guy with the amazing arms who has the foot fetish. I thought I was rid of him, then I show up at Safeway to buy some "Grapples" (Gala apples that smell & kinda taste like grapes, strange, huh?!) and gum, and ta-da... there he is, working the next checkstand over... oh joy and rapture. It's a shame about the foot thing, cause he is extremely cute, but I just CAN'T be ok with someone trying to touch my feet while we were making out... ew. No thanks! He looks over all happy to see me & explains he hurt his knee and just came back (God Matty, I don't need the play-by-play!)

It's just been one of those weeks, that I am hoping doesn't turn into "one of those weekends" ya know?! I think that I need a hug (or a whole bunch of no foot touching makeout! hehe). I need to go pay my car payment, go get my nails done and see if my fantabulous makeup lady Beth is working... I think I wanna rock some uber hot makeup tonight and I really don't feel like trying to do it myself! Sometimes it just doesn't happen when I do it myself (sorry, that sounded kinda dirty! haha... you can see where my head is right about now!) I guess that I will get going, and the whole time I'm out & about, I'll be praying for hugs (more?!), a lot of fun, and not too hideous of a weekend! xoxoxo

Keep The Faith Hoffman Fans

2008-11-11T15:39:00.001-08:00

My heart is so breaking right now... My absolutely all time favorite baseball player, SD Padres Relief Pitcher Trevor Hoffman is being let go. WHY? He has done nothing but boost SD Padres baseball since his arrival in 1993. He keeps the fans enthused with his AMAZING pitching, his community relations, his 500 career saves (ALL TIME SAVES LEADER), and his overall 1st class professionalism and personality.

I have had the opportunity to meet him on more than one occasion, and he is awesome! Always ready to sign for fans, always a smile and a friendly word and in my opinion, everything that a PROFESSIONAL athlete should be!

So why is it after 16 (yes, 16!) years, why is he all of a sudden suposed to take a huge cut in pay and then have the offer withdrawn from the team he's done so much with & for? I am absolutely appalled and dishearteneed today.

San Diego Fans need to rally around their beloved closer and make the SD organization see that Hoffman is SO much more than another baseball player, he is a HUGE part of San Diego! I'm sorry, but I will never, ever not be a Trevor Hoffman fan, even if SD loses him. I adore him, and will completely follow his career. I can only hope that if we do lose him, that when the day comes that he is elected to Cooperstown, that he can look past this last segment of time and go in as a Padre! xoxoxo

Break out the shovel... I'm digging myself a hole!

2008-11-09T00:45:00.000-08:00

Ever have those moments where you KNOW that you shouldn't call someone or have someone over? But a part of you can't seem to help it? I am having that moment right now as I type this blog. I have been really very good about seeing (or not seeing) this particular someone, and then here I come along, and in one fell swoop, Im standing outside in the rain, uncovering that damn hole that I worked soo hard to fill up and cover.

What did I do you may be asking? Well, I offered to let the guy (olive branch guy) stay the night here. He keeps saying that it'll be too difficult if he stays here, and maybe he's right, but I guess I just want him here. I want him to be here as much as I don't want him to be here, does that make any sense at all?!

He hasn't said if he's staying over, just commented that he will try to stop by. It's just about 1:30 am, and he should be getting off work at any moment, so I guess that we'll just wait & see how everything (anything) pans out tonight. Sweet dreams! xoxoxo

UPDATE: after talking to him around 11 via text msg, he didn't answer any of my texts and was a no-show to my house. I guess he wasn't willing to hand me the shovel to unearth the hole quite yet, which is probably for the best, but he could at least let me know wtf is going on. oh well. goodnight (again) xoxoxo

So Complicated.

2008-11-08T20:07:00.000-08:00

So lately I've been talking to the guy that "slapped me with the olive branch" hehe. He has been down here on weekends and we've talked a little bit, which has been nice. Afterall, even when you get pissed off at someone, it's hard to completely exclude someone from your life, especially when it's someone that you have always shared just about everything in your life with.

It is a settling feeling to be talking to him again, and last week I even saw him for a few minutes. I can't explain how nice of a feeling it was to hug him again. Just to feel his arms around me felt right, and I honestly missed it.

I can't lie and say that I have forgotten what happened this summer (the finding out of certain things) but I AM able to put them aside in order to remain friends with him. I realized that I would rather have a complicated friendship with him than no friendship at all.

Well, there is a chance that I will be seeing him this weekend, and I am glad that while a lot has changed, when it all comes down to it, we are still friends. xoxoxo

It's Not The Same Without You...

2008-11-07T14:54:00.000-08:00

Autumn is once again upon us here in the City of Chico. It is my FAVORITE time of the year. That perfect sunny yet crisp cold weather, leaves changing color and falling. Walking outside on a cold clear night and hearing the geese flying over head (and seeing them flying in a V) just puts a smile on my face. I have so many wonderful autumn memories here in this city. I wait anxiously every year to see the trees change to stunning colors along the tree lined Esplanade, to wander through Downtown Chico sipping some hot chocolate or a Starbucks. Moving away from Chico is going to be very tough in a lot of ways, some of the most difficult things to leave are centered around this time of year. This is a hard time of year for me in general.

Autumn was always a special time for my grandma and me. We spent every Thanksgiving week together in Chico since the time that I was 13. It was all so very special to spend all that time with her. She fractured her femur in the fall, and all the subsequent surgeries and illness happened in or near the fall. It was so odd that she passed away on Thanksgiving, a day that was always so special to us both.

I have learned to break through the hard times and again appreciate autumn here in Chico, spending time in nature and enjoying all the beauty it has to offer, listening to the geese a little longer, and soaking it all in while I can. I still have moments of unbelievable sadness, as my grandma meant the world to me, but I know that she wants me to live my life and not spend it dwelling on her death. A few weeks ago I had a moment that brought tears to my eyes. It was super lame too, but kinda funny too. I pulled a postcard out of the mailbox that had what loked like a post-it note on it. Here is a picture of the post-it portion of the postcard:

I turned the card over and it was addressed to my grandma. I literally stopped in my tracks, and tears came to my eyes. It was a postcard from State Farm Insurance commenting on the fact that my grandma was no longer their customer, but to me, it meant so much more. I guess I felt that I had to post this, as it is in the middle of the season and I am getting all sappy & nostalgic. Maybe this weekend I'll go for a stoll through the park with a hot chocolate and remember some fond memories. xoxoxo

This Kiss, This Kiss... It's Criminal!

2008-11-06T20:32:00.000-08:00

So the other night I had a very intense dream that i can't help but relate to my real life... In this particular dream I was somewhere that was like a combo of a local restaurant (Tres) and someone's house. I was there with some friends and one certain guy in particular (a very good friend of mine), who I have been having some more than friendly feelings for lately.

In the dream, I started feeling not so good, and he pulled me to him and kissed my forehead, and wrapped his arms around me and said he'd take me home if I wasn't in the mood to stay there with everyone. He spent the remainder of the time there holding me close and kissing me. Needless to say that when I woke up, I had a big smile on my face! Hehe!

In all honesty, I never in a million years imagined that I would have any sort of feelings for him, but I guess life happens, huh?! Ever since we made out a month or so ago, I just can't help it, everytime I see him (and his cute little pouty lips) I just wanna press my lips to his and have another 2 or so hour makeout session wirh him! (by the way, as some of you who read my Myspace blog may remember, I had 2 sex dreams about a friend a lil while back? Yup, same guy! hehe!)

Well I guess that I should go to bed, its a bit before 10:30 and I have a long day ahead of me (3 or 4 admits and none of them have completed paperwork) and who knows, maybe I'll dream of more amazing kisses tonight?! ;) Goodnight! xoxoxox

Did I Just Get Hit With The Olive Branch I Extended?

2008-10-19T11:32:00.001-07:00

Ok, I went out last night and was having a fantabulous time when I ran into a friend of mine. He's a friend of a friend and we started telling old stories and having a pretty good conversation. Well his friend walked up, and it turned out (as often is the case in Chico) I knew him too. I reintroduced myself (cause every time we re-meet, one or both of us is drunk)and tell him that I know him through my other friend (the one I wrote about earlier in the month who I still hadn't contacted) well he proceeds to tell me that he is in town.

So, there's no way I actually want to see him yet (although I was looking pretty damn hot and I was just drunk enough that I could've had fun messing with him! hehe, but I DIDN'T!) Instead, I sent him a text that said "Ta Da!" (sorry, inside joke) and I got nothing back, so when I got home I sent him "Well, I heard you were in town and I was trying to say hi, but either you don't wanna say hi or your phone's off. Hope all is going well. xoxo Robyn" Short, to the point, and just stopping in to be the better person and see how you're doing. In other words, olive branch officially extended.

So this morning the following text "discussion" took place:

Him: O hi there

Me: Heard you were in Chico and I wanted to say hi :) how've you been?

Him: Good

Me: That's good, glad to hear that

Um, ok... I feel like I extended the olive branch of friendship, he ripped the bastard outta my hand and beat me over the head with it. Apparently as long as I'm not offering to mess around with him, things will always be strange and awkward now. Well, I guess at least I know exactly where I stand, huh?

Oh Baby, I Must Have You Now

2008-10-18T19:36:00.000-07:00

So I have decided that I really need to start doing some independent research. We were participating in one of our usual weekend activities last night, "chillin at The Holiday Inn" (hehe, sorry I just couldn't resit!) when I just really decided that someone needs to write this stuff down for other single gals.

I'm sure every single girl knows what I am talking about, here let me set up the scenario: It's a Friday or Saturday night and you and your girls are out on the town. You go to have some drinks, catch up, wind down from a stressful work week, etc. The last thing you want is to have to deal with some raging asshole hitting on you the entire night. So we've all had it happen, but I'm really after the answer to this question: Do any of these lame ass pick up lines really work? Now I'm not talking about the cheesy ones that we've all heard like "Did it Hurt? When you fell from heaven?" etc., I'm talking about the pervy creepy guys who approach you and stare lecherously at you while you are mentally planning an escape route ("I'm married" "I'm dating someone" "I'm not interested" etc.) The kind of losers who come up and ask you flat out if you wanna go home with them, brag about their sexual abilities in order to somehow impress you, etc. I'm sorry, but when have these guys ever used these creepy lines and had it work? Did any woman ever look back and seductively say in response, "Oh baby, I must have you now"? My guess is no.

Well, I'm in the middle of getting ready to go out and deal with it all over again, hopefully tonight we won't have to beat too many off with sticks or tasers, hahaha!

Douchebaggery

2008-10-15T19:21:00.000-07:00

So I just had to share this with everyone (I am also posting it on my myspace blog). This has to be one of the funniest things I have EVER seen! Hope you enjoy (and pass it along)!

Visions of Dolce Dance In My Head

2008-10-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

So, I think that I need to have my eyes checked. They aren't completely bad, I just think for when I'm on the computer and possibly when I read. I really don't wanna have to have it done, the thought of someone fiddling around with my eyes quite frankly freaks me out. However, while I have health/dental & vision insurance again, I might want to take advantage of it and get some glasses. I was all responsible today and I looked up where in town takes my vision insurance and wrote down some phone numbers, qand tomorrow I will either stop by or call a place or 2 to see what the cost of an exam is, etc. I also want to try on some glasses cause I have found a pair of frames online that I think are cute, but it's one of those things that I don't feel like spending like $200 on some frames and then try them on and hate them.

Here's a picture of the glasses that I found: they are of course Dolce & Gabbana (C'mon, I have to look like a librarian, I might as well be a librarian with designer glasses!) :) By the way, the name is in RHINESTONES! How absolutely fabulous is that?! Hehe! While browsing designer eyewear online, I also found a pair of Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses that I believe I MUST have!

See, all the more reason for me to get into a career... I'm a self admitted name brand whore! I can't wait to be able to buy any designer bag or shoe I want! And living in a city where I have Louis Vuitton and Coach and Neiman Marcus (Hello, Christian Louboutins!) in most of the malls, a good career is, well, essential! :)

Well, it's getting late (when you work at 5 am, you have to act like an old person and get your fabulous ass in bed at an "adult" time, even if you're a night owl like myself!) and 3:45 am gets here mighty quickly. Have a fantabulous night and a decent Tuesday... I'll be back soon I'm sure.

Itching To "Fly South"

2008-10-12T21:12:00.000-07:00

You know what is absolutely unfair, not to mention frustrating beyond belief? Knowing that you have a plan in mind of what you want to do & where you want to go in life, and having it held up by things that are completely out of your control.

Here I FINALLY decide that I want to return to my beautiful hometown of San Diego, and I can't even plan on when I'm going because of a ridiculous appraisal of our property that I have no idea when will be completed. The 4 appraisers in Chico that are certified to this particular type of appraisal have all turned down the job, which means they need to contract someone out of Sacramento or Redding. This of course means more time and more money (I'm pretty sure that the buyer is the one paying the cost of it, but either way, it's not happening as quick as it should be!)

If all goes well, and we get this place sold, I will be flying South (OK, driving in a moving truck) about 2 months after the sale closes. I figure that gives me plenty of time to give my job a month's notice, start packing, and then have an entire month to get things in order (pack, sell stuff off, etc.) without having to be at work everyday. That will be an experience let me tell you, as the last time that I had to pack was back in '96 when I moved up here. Also, if this goes according to plans, I may be headed down south for Thanksgiving with my mom (which by the way will be the 1st Turkey day I'll be spending with my mom since I was 12!) and possibly be going to Disneyland the following weekend, which will be very fun!

I can't wait to get down there permanently and start my Sports Business Management class! Hopefully this will be the step that will push me in the right direction towards a career with the SD Padres! Sure I will have to stay with my mom for a few months while we wait till the tenant on the other half of the duplex rides out his lease, but it's a good chance for me to save money and let him keep paying the mortgage! Then as soon as his lease is up (Or he leaves once he finds out his lease isn't being renewed) I get to move next door into the other half of the duplex till my mom sells it. Once sold, both of us are looking into buying homes in Carlsbad! Not a bad plan, just sucks that I just can't pick up, go & make things happen already!

Forgiving. Is it Really Easier Than Forgetting?

2008-10-12T12:12:00.001-07:00

I very recently had a friend treat me, well, pretty badly in my opinion. He didn't actually LIE to me, but he omitted pretty much the entire truth during almost our entire friendship. He was someone who I felt unbelievably close to, someone who I could be myself 100% with. He never once gave me any concrete reason to believe that he was hurting me in more ways than one. First of all, my ability to trust men is already on shaky grounds (what with all of the less than fabulous guys that have fallen in and out of my life) so his treatment of our situation only heightened my level of wariness when it comes to the opposite sex.

My question is, how do you successfully move past this? Is this a situation where the friendship has to be over? Can I forgive him for how he treated me, or more importantly, should I want anything to do with him at all now? If I was talking to a girlfriend and she described my situation as one she was going through, you know without a doubt I would say "Forget him" "You don't deserve to be treated like that" or any one of those supportive phrases we've all used. However it just feels so different when you are put in that position and it's someone who you (even thought you hate like hell to admit it) still care about as a person.

I suppose that I should be the better person and at least keep the lines of communication open. I know that things will never again be the same between the two of us, but at least I have hope that we can at least somewhat rekindle the friendship and be civil and understanding to each other. I'm not sure if he's willing to be on that level or not, but at least I know that I didn't give things a shot and that never compromised myself in the process.