I Think My Feelings Are Official... I Pretty Much Love Him.

I never thought I'd see the day that I would be able to admit this to myself. The guy who is the subject of many of my blogs on here (and on my myspace blog) is someone that I think that I have officially fallen for. Now of course I haven't told HIM any of this yet cause I can't even believe it myself. This sudden realization occured today and it really was the most retarded moment, but the way that I reacted to it made me realize that I really do have intense feelings for him. I had a moment (and really it was no more than a few moments)where I saw something & quite literally panicked, thinking that he didn't want anything to do with me. It was during that split second that my heart dropped to my feet & my eyes welled up with tears (God, how I hate to admit that my feelings for him are really that strong).
He and I have been friends (and then some) for so long now that I don't know what to do with this information. It's like somewhere I have always known my feelings for him but I never really wanted to admit it to anyone, let alone to myself. I have always been afraid that if I said it out loud things would change so much that things wouldn't be the same. We've had a difficult year, but despite everything we have made it through it all, and in my opinion things between us are better than ever. We seem to have a better understanding of each other, and that makes me so happy. A few months ago when I told him my plans to move away, I saw a look come across his face that made my heart ache. He didn't have to say a single word for me to know that me deciding to leave hurt his feelings.
I adore him in ways that I never thought possible. I have spent time with my fair share of guys and I know that he has dated girls while we've been hanging out, yet, what is the one constant in each other's lives? Him for me & Me for him. I have tried (without success) to keep my feelings for him at bay. Thinking if I could just keep some distance, I would be able to just be friends with him... WRONG! My feelings just got stronger throughout the years.
He is the one person who has been there no matter what. I have had times where I didn't want to be near anyone and he made sure that I was ok. He has showed up at my house first thing in the morning & has seen me before I even brushed my hair or teeth. He has seen me good and bad, weak & strong, happy and sad. When I was pissed off at him, he stuck around but gave me all the space I needed to deal with my emotions and get to a place where I could deal with things.
I wish that he would get to this point to. That he would realize that he & I are so perfect for each other it's retarded. He and I compliment each other in so many ways that I just can't help but that think that we should be together. Maybe if things keep going the way that they are going, things will finally get there... god I hope so, cause this love stuff sure is exhausting! xoxox

A Pretty Good Catch

(This was todays riveting blog that I posted on my Myspace Blog... thought those who have abandoned Myspace for Facebook or just catching this blog might appreciate it too, so I copied and pasted for your reading enjoyment)
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Not to toot my own horn, but really, if you look at a few factors, it's quite obvious boys, I'm a pretty damn good catch! See the list of facts below:

1. Im not one of those annoying clingy gfs who expects 100% of your time. Really, I have my own life to live, so don't expect that I will be want to spend every waking second with you.

2. I'm not your mom, so therefore dont expect that I will be one of those girls who constantly expects you to "check in" with me about where you are every minute of every day. I signed up for a boyfriend not a child...

3. I don't need to go out on "dates" all the time. Really, I am just as happy with a night in than a night out. I mean the occasional meal or movie is great, but hanging at the house with drinks & a movie works too. I don't need someone to spend a fortune on a date to prove to me they're worth my time.

4. I don't expect that my boyfriend won't talk to other girls... it's just not a viable option & I have no idea how anyone can expect that their gf/bf won't have conversations with the opposite sex. I have many guy FRIENDS so I would never say you can't have girl FRIENDS.

5. I am not going to show up at your job and linger there just to make sure you're being faithful to me. I have had my fair share of experience seeing girls go to the bar where their boyfriends were working then leave pissed off cause their guy was talking to someone else. HOLY HELL, you know that it's like a prerequisite to talk to the opposite sex if you work at a bar.

6. I am in a relationship with YOU, not all of my friends. I'm not 13 years old and do not run & tell all of my girlfriends whats going on in the relationship. That is between us.

7. I HATE playing mind games with people and hate drama. Don't expect that if you and I are having a disagreement that I am gonna show up where you are and fall all over another guy to make you jealous or pissed off... not my thing.

8. We've all been hurt and have had relationship issues, but those are in the past. I'm not gonna put the mistakes of past guys on you. Those were their fuck ups, not yours. New relationship, new slate.

9. I'm on Myspace but it's not my entire life. Therefore I am not worried if I'm on your top friends or if you put comments on my page, etc. I know we're together, it doesn't matter beyond that.

10. I'm pretty much a sex fiend and you better be able to keep up, and keep my attention, try new things in bed AND be willing to treat me like the naughty girl I am!

So, if the above list is at all of an interest to you, then maybe, just maybe you're the guy for me! (Can't hurt to put aside all the bad experiences & give me a shot right?!) xoxox

P.S The thingy isn't working, currently listening to: "Heartless" by Kanye West