I Think My Feelings Are Official... I Pretty Much Love Him.

I never thought I'd see the day that I would be able to admit this to myself. The guy who is the subject of many of my blogs on here (and on my myspace blog) is someone that I think that I have officially fallen for. Now of course I haven't told HIM any of this yet cause I can't even believe it myself. This sudden realization occured today and it really was the most retarded moment, but the way that I reacted to it made me realize that I really do have intense feelings for him. I had a moment (and really it was no more than a few moments)where I saw something & quite literally panicked, thinking that he didn't want anything to do with me. It was during that split second that my heart dropped to my feet & my eyes welled up with tears (God, how I hate to admit that my feelings for him are really that strong).
He and I have been friends (and then some) for so long now that I don't know what to do with this information. It's like somewhere I have always known my feelings for him but I never really wanted to admit it to anyone, let alone to myself. I have always been afraid that if I said it out loud things would change so much that things wouldn't be the same. We've had a difficult year, but despite everything we have made it through it all, and in my opinion things between us are better than ever. We seem to have a better understanding of each other, and that makes me so happy. A few months ago when I told him my plans to move away, I saw a look come across his face that made my heart ache. He didn't have to say a single word for me to know that me deciding to leave hurt his feelings.
I adore him in ways that I never thought possible. I have spent time with my fair share of guys and I know that he has dated girls while we've been hanging out, yet, what is the one constant in each other's lives? Him for me & Me for him. I have tried (without success) to keep my feelings for him at bay. Thinking if I could just keep some distance, I would be able to just be friends with him... WRONG! My feelings just got stronger throughout the years.
He is the one person who has been there no matter what. I have had times where I didn't want to be near anyone and he made sure that I was ok. He has showed up at my house first thing in the morning & has seen me before I even brushed my hair or teeth. He has seen me good and bad, weak & strong, happy and sad. When I was pissed off at him, he stuck around but gave me all the space I needed to deal with my emotions and get to a place where I could deal with things.
I wish that he would get to this point to. That he would realize that he & I are so perfect for each other it's retarded. He and I compliment each other in so many ways that I just can't help but that think that we should be together. Maybe if things keep going the way that they are going, things will finally get there... god I hope so, cause this love stuff sure is exhausting! xoxox